My wife lets our teen twins do exactly what they want

Dear Coleen

I’ve been arguing a lot with my wife over our teenage twins – a boy and girl who are 19. My wife lets them get away with murder and, as a result, I think they’re spoiled and entitled.

They’ve just come home from their first year at separate universities and my wife has agreed they can take over our house for a party.

I tried to put my foot down and say no way, as the place will be wrecked and we’ll have to fund all the booze and food, but she doesn't see a problem with it.

It’s my home too, but I don’t feel as if I have a say in anything – it’s three against one all the time.

The last time we had a party, my son’s annoying mates were still drinking at 8am and bothering the neighbours by walking up and down the road, beer cans and cigarettes in hand, and shouting their mouths off.

I’ve always believed in respect and discipline, but my wife doesn’t see that giving our kids what they want all the time, even if it’s not what we want, isn’t very good for them.

Can you ­understand where I’m coming from and do you have any advice?

Coleen says

Honesty – I think you might be asking the wrong person! In my ­experience, dads tend to be less tolerant of this kind of thing. I remember trying to get my ex, Ray, to lighten up about parties and friends coming over, and to try to remember what it was like to be young.

The last time my 18-year-old daughter Ciara had a party at our house, I booked into a nearby hotel for the night.

I didn’t want to be that nagging parent, but I was there when her friends arrived and said to them all, “I’m trusting you guys and if you disrespect the house, you’re not ­coming again. Have a good night and I’m off!”

When I came home, the place was immaculate, apart from one pile of sick in the garden (Eurgh!).

Of course, I understand what you’re worried about, having your space invaded by a bunch of alcohol-fuelled teens.

But if it’s not a regular thing, why not be the one to take control and lay down the rules?

Put a limit on how many people can come, have areas that are out of bounds, and a cut-off time when the music gets turned off.

Put away anything you don’t want broken, get a load of paper cups and plates that can be recycled, buy some booze for your own kids, but everyone else can bring something.

Then go out for the night and tell them when you’ll be back.

I think it could be a really useful lesson for your kids in terms of trust and managing responsibility.

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