We watched a Brexit-themed porno to spice up our love life – and ended up having sex on the sofa – The Sun
TRONALD Dump crouches down behind the podium and kisses the legs of Teaser Maynot.
This is Hard BreXXXit – a British porn film on Zaucey.com – a site set up by Anna Ratcliffe and her husband Chris to encourage lacklustre Brits to spice up their relationships with softcore porn films.
Most of the pornos on the site are parodies – and not as hard-core as the content on Pornhub.
Among the titles currently on offer are Pold***, I’m a Porn Star Get Me Out of Here, Saturday Night Beaver and Iron Lady Garden.
Oh, and there’s The Great British Bonk Off, which features a lot of squirty cream and biscuits baked into rude shapes.
A recent survey found one in five Brits only have sex three times a year or less – and 30 per cent said they don’t have time for sex at all.
"It’s pretty sad that despite being surrounded by sexual imagery we’re actually not doing it that much in real life," Anna tells Sun Online exclusively.
"We live in a world where information, ideas and content are just a click of a button away – so there’s no excuse for the widespread sex drought so many couples experience.
"Our porn videos play on British characteristics and stereotypes and crucially, they show real intimate relations between adults without being graphic or hardcore."
But can her website really help perk up lacklustre lovers who aren’t into porn?
These three couples bravely agreed to road test some of Zaucey’s films to see if it helps rekindle that spark…
'We could do better ourselves – and we did, straight after…'
Students Lucy Camacho, 23, Cain Yeoman, 18, live in Chatham, Kent, and have been together for a year.
The couple watched Bodyguard XXX – A parody of the BBC One drama starring Keeley Hawes as the Home Secretary.
Lucy says: “Although we have never felt the need to watch porn, I have nothing against it. It does work for some people.
“Porn can be unrealistic, and it doesn’t portray real-life sex. It can be quite cheesy and fake. I don’t get the role play at the start of a porn scene either.
“It will be interesting to see what happens when we watch it. Watching might give us some ideas in the bedroom and new things to try.”
Cain says: “I think porn can be fake and watching it might make us feel that what we do isn’t good enough.
“There’s a stereotype with porn that you have to look a certain way too. We aren’t prudish, so we’re open to the idea of watching it to see what happens.”
As the male lead comes into shot, Lucy grins and says: “He’s quite fit.”
The film starts off with a lot of kissing, but takes a dramatic turn when the Bodyguard shoots a woman in order to protect the Home Secretary.
Cain says: “If I was in the mood that would turn me off, seeing someone be shot in the head.”
As they watch the characters have sex, Cain is bored by what he sees.
He says: “They’re staying in position for a long time, aren’t they?”
Lucy agrees and adds: “A bit of variation is needed.”
And as the film reaches its finale, the couple feel it is a bit of a let-down.
Cain says to Lucy: “I hate to say it but we could do it better.”
Lucy agrees before Cain asks: “Oh has he finished? I feel like if you don’t know if they’ve finished it’s not great, is it?”
The Verdict
Cain says: “There was nothing in the film we haven’t done already. It was very censored and tame. But I think when you watch someone get it on it usually makes you want to get it on and we did have sex afterwards.”
Lucy says: “I think porn can be fun if it’s the right porn. When we saw it the first time, we thought we could do it better – so we did do it better! We probably wouldn’t subscribe but it would be fun to watch another video.
"Even though we didn’t get up to anything until later in the evening it definitely planted the seed.
"And I'd say it was better than normal if that’s even possible because it’s already amazing. I don’t think we were trying to outdo them but it’s safe to say we did!"
'We were at it on the sofa as soon as it finished'
Sales executive Polly Laker, 27, and her partner Alan Luckhurst, 33, a company director, live in Worcester Park, South West London.
The couple watched The Real 50 Shades of Grey 2, which features BDSM and S&M roleplay.
The couple, who have two young children, hope watching porn will spice up their six-year relationship.
Polly says: “We’ve been together a long time and have never watched porn together. Having two young kids means we don’t have much time to ourselves as a couple.
“Our sex life has changed since the kids came along and we do have less sex. It’s more about getting the job done.
“It’s quite exciting to try something new and different. I’m getting my confidence back after having our second child so I think this will spice things up.”
Alan says: “We don’t have time to watch porn and because we’ve been together for so long, we know what the other likes in the bedroom.
“The one time we decided to watch porn together it took us so long to find something to watch, we gave up.”
As the porn film starts, Polly says: “Let’s hope it’s a little bit better than the actual film.”
But she is immediately put off by the slow start. She says to Alan: “They always take ages to get into it, don’t they?”
And the female lead, who works on a construction site, slurping on a Pot Noodle in one scene proves a turn off for them both. Alan chuckles: “That’s not very sexy.”
Polly laughs: “I know it’s not very Christian Grey, let’s face it. It’s more Dave down the building site.”
The Verdict
Alan says: “ It felt more comical rather than a video to get us in the mood.”
Polly says: “We’re both open to trying new things but, with how hectic our lives are, it’s very easy to not focus on the experimental side and to just stick to what you know.
“Porn would be a good way to introduce new things into our sex life.
"We did get up to something after – we didn’t even leave the sofa!
"We'd try the majority of what we saw in the film."
'Brexit is a massive turn-off – but we like their natural bodies'
Cleaner Nicole Royers, 24, and husband Sander, 44, an admin assistant, live in Barnsley, South Yorks, with their two children Isabel, five, and two-year-old Amelia.
The couple watched Hard BreXXXit, which sees porn stars dressed as Theresa May and Donald Trump having sex behind a podium.
The couple, who have been together for five years, say they don’t watch porn because they think it can look fake.
Nicole says: “Porn stars aren’t in a real relationship and that’s what puts me off. The women in the films usually have the perfect figure, which makes me feel like that’s who Sander should be having sex with – not someone with an ordinary body like mine.
“Sander says he can’t touch the women so what’s the point in watching it? We watched a couple of videos before the kids came along, but they didn’t do anything for either of us, so we didn’t bother after that.
“We have sex every other day, but I would like to spice things up a bit. Maybe if we find the right type of porn, we will enjoy it.”
In one scene the characters Teaser Maynot and Tronald Dump end a press conference early so they can get more intimate – and Nicole was horrified by what she saw.
The verdict
Nicole says: “It did make me feel a bit more relaxed about the whole idea of porn – that it’s not just Size 4 models and men with muscles and a six pack. The actors had more natural body shapes, which I found pleasing.
“It turned us on slightly but we just couldn’t get into it too much because of the comedy aspect of the video. Nothing about Trump or Theresa May really did anything for me.”
Sander says: “We feel we could watch more natural couples as this feels more realistic – just minus the drama of Brexit!
"But I did really enjoy it."
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