Vanderpump Rules' Jax Taylor Shares Touching Tribute Honoring Father 1 Year After His Death

It’s an emotional day for Jax Taylor.

One year after losing his dad Ronald Cauchi to stage IV esophageal cancer, the Vanderpump Rules star penned an emotional tribute to his late father on Instagram Thursday.

“One year ago today I lost the man I aspire to be, my best friend,” he captioned an old photo of the father-daughter duo. “Still waking up every morning waiting for that text I always get from ya, ‘Hey bud, what’s going on? What crazy s— are you getting into today?’ Or ‘How’s your cars doing?’ or the most important thing, ‘You watch the @detroitredwings game last night?’ You would think he had something invested in the team he LOVED his redwings so much.”

“I still can’t believe you’re gone,” he continued.” Sometimes I don’t think it’s real, I listen to your voicemails and videos all the time, always thinking, ‘What if?’ Or ‘Why?’ I know you are with me because too many positive things have happened to me this year and I have seen so many signs of you. We still get to have our talks but now they take place at church on Wednesdays and when I take your ashes with me on my cruises with the guys.”

“Btw, dad everyone loves your Corvette and I promise I am taking great care of it,” he added, before addressing his upcoming wedding to fiancée Brittany Cartwright.

“I am getting married this year dad,” he said. “I don’t know how I am gonna do it without you physically standing by me, and helping me with my tie like the old days at hockey tournaments, god I miss those days. But I know you will be with me.”

“I still don’t understand how God could take the best man/person/husband/father/coach I know. After you passed I have to admit I wanted nothing to do with God, I was angry, sad, disgusted on how he could take such a beautiful man, but I remembered how much you loved him and how you always told me how important God was to you, so I started going back to church and believing again, I have to believe he has a plan, and that I will see you again one day,” he continued.

“I love you dad so much, I hope you are proud of me and all the changes I have made with myself. It wasn’t easy after you left us, but with the help of Jenny and Brittany, I have learned to deal with things in a more positive, healthy way. Today is a hard day, but we will get through it like we always do. I love you dad so much, you are and will always be my best friend. Till we meet again.”

In an interview with Men’s Health earlier this month, the Bravo star, 39, revealed that he leaned heavily on his bride-to-be in the wake of his father’s death.

“I was in a deep rut,” he said. “I was literally going to lock myself in a room and do enough drugs to hurt myself.”

“Brittany was, like, ‘I understand where you’re coming from. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but can you try something?’” he continued, explaining that Cartwright, 29, suggested he try medical marijuana as a way to cope.

RELATED VIDEO: All the Details on Jax Taylor and Brittany Cartwright’s Summer Wedding

After trying it, the model-turned-bartender said that it changed his life, prompting him to abandon alcohol, other drugs, and self-harm in exchange for a healthier lifestyle.

“I said, ‘You know what? I’m not going to hurt myself. I’m not going to drink,’” he said. “I’m going to flip this around and make my dad proud. I’m going to go to the gym. We’re going to start some businesses. We’re going to move up.’”

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