Spencer Pratt (and Heidi!) Breaks Down Everything That Happened on This Week’s Truly Insane Episode of ‘Siesta Key’
This week’s episode of The Richest Kids in Sarasota Get Drunk and Argue was a lot: Alex and Juliette’s relationship reached an uncomfortable place we’ve seen far too many times already, Kelsey cheated on her long-distance boyfriend with Jared, and Brandon tried to make time with a woman who only wanted to lay down tracks.
See also: Garrett and Cara on one of the strangest dates in this show’s history, Madisson beginning to realize she’s picked the wrong guy yet again, and Chloe deciding she was done burning bridges for the hundredth time. Will this time be different for her, Alex, and Juliette?
We had a lot of questions, so we chatted with Siesta Key historian Spencer Pratt (and Heidi Pratt!) about all the things that went down in The Key last night.
I hate seeing @juliettep0rter cry 💔 #SiestaKey pic.twitter.com/YL4mdZAalM
On Chloe being in love with Alex:
She thought no one knew. Girl, everyone in The Key new. I mean it was so flagrant. “Oh, we’re just best friends.” No, everyone knows you’re Swimfan.
She’s down at the grocery store buying condoms and make-up and a voice comes over the loudspeaker like, “We see you, Chloe! Good luck with Alex.” I feel like the whole town was rooting for Chloe to find true love.
[Ed note: A year and a half ago Chloe told us she wasn’t in love with Alex. Hmmm.]
On Brandon’s new muse, Alana AKA “Sarasota’s answer to Beyoncé”:
Number one: No one calls her that. Number two, keep Bey’s name out of The Key.
On whether Alana is going to make Brandon go big:
No. Here’s the thing. You have enough money. Your dad has a fat mansion. Spend a little money. Get a real cameo there for the music. What are we doing here? Alana seems very nice, but get somebody with a little bit of clout in there with you. I appreciate you got the only girl that can sing a note in The Key, but you’re on TV. We need a little bit more star power.
On whether Brandon and Alana are going to get together:
You know how they’re always talking about reality TV stars being there for the right reasons? Well, Alana’s there for the right reasons. She’s here to make music. His little Tinder girlfriend ain’t got nothing to worry about. She’s not trying to rub up on him. She doesn’t belong on this show.
On Alex and Jared making up:
They definitely already met up before Brandon’s party. I think we missed reality. That’s my thing with reality TV: If something happens on The Hills and somebody wants to talk to me about it or whatever, I ignore their texts, I avoid them, and then I have somebody else message them like, “Yo. We’re not meeting up until they’re filming.” I’m hypersensitive to making sure there’s reality in reality TV.
On Kelsey cheating on Jacob (who she cheated on Garrett with) with Jared:
Okay, Kelsey, I was worried about you this season but it looks like you haven’t changed at all. What are Jared and Kelsey? Why are they talking? Why are they going anywhere together? Why are they stripping down and making out on the beach at night?
I don’t know what Kelsey’s trying to do, but once you leave a party and get in a Range Rover to get out of there with another person? A person you’re not dating? And they’re not just dropping you off? We’re way past normal boundaries here. Just FYI.
Then again, maybe she just really wanted to take a ride in a Range Rover.
On Garrett:
The way Garrett talks to girls makes me realize that he really is who he is. You can’t just fake that shit. “I’m single, you’re ready to mingle. Can I have your cell phone contact information?” The conspiracy I had of him being a player-operator is dead. His game tells me all I need to know.
On Garrett and Cara’s date:
She really said, “That’s a fish you can touch and it will die.” I’ve been in a lot of aquariums. I love fish. I’ve had fish tanks, and I don’t know about any fish you touch and they die. What research is she doing? I don’t know if Garrett can hang with this kind of energy.
On Garrett’s three wishes:
Please. If there’s a magical deity, do not show up at Garrett’s house. Those were the worst three genie answers I’ve ever heard. A jet ski, an apartment house, and another date with Cara? Garrett’s over here making wishes about accruing passive income.
I think he should have just been like, “A date with you, that’s all I need.” Done. Game. Okay, move on. She was number three! Let’s pray to god that a real genie doesn’t go waste three wishes on this dude.
On Madisson’s “maybe boyfriend” Ben returning:
When she saw Ben talking to that girl trying to hook up at the party, you could tell she was over Brandon, because she wasn’t listening to one thing he was saying about his new record. She was over here in the background thinking “Oh no, not again!”
You know that Ben and whoever this is have hooked up before. He’s over here telling her “Madisson and I aren’t ‘together together’?” Someone needs to alert Madisson, because I don’t think she’s heard. Madisson needs to stand up for herself. I don’t know why she’s got Kelsey having her intimate beach conversations for her.
On Alex not being supportive of Juliette:
The part that disappointed me the most was the fact that he acted like she can’t open her own Pilates gym. Come on. Juliette is very fit. She’s been an instructor for years. If somebody financed it, she taught all the classes, hired her sorority friends—you really don’t believe she could have her little core class? That hurt me the most.
WHY, ALEX??? #SiestaKey pic.twitter.com/GIIajz6WhA
It’s not like she’s trying to open an Equinox in West Hollywood. I was watching it and thought “Dang, he doesn’t think she could have a little work out room? A little studio space in The Key? Lots of huge garages probably available.
He ain’t out here telling Garrett that his online fitness business “isn’t going to make it.” Let Juliette have her fitness basement.
On whether Alex is hung up on Cara:
I feel like Alex just loves attention. Alex is driving a Bentley, I don’t think he’s really like, “Cara has more money.” He’d still clearly rather hook up with Juliette. I think sitting in your Bentley, your mansion, your boat where everyone has to take their shoes off, you don’t have that much to worry about. What does Cara really bring to his life that’s gonna make it that much better?
On Alex’s dad’s relationship advice:
I feel like Gary wants Alex to just be banging all the girls in the Key, and just living. I feel like Gary’s trying to live his playboy lifestyle through Alex, based off his throwing him that huge party at the beginning of summer and just buying him Bentleys to go to class.
He’s definitely not promoting a “let’s settle down and work things out with Juliette” type thing. Gary probably wants Alex to marry someone richer than him so Gary can go like live that. Clearly Gary loves living that rich lifestyle.
Here’s my advice to Alex: If there’s even a doubt that this Juliette isn’t the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, than you guys should break up. Because there’s too much drama going on to maintain a chill life. You don’t have to marry every relationship you’re in. If there’s too much fighting and drama, I don’t think that’s a healthy relationship to be in.
On Alex calling Juliette “an idiot”:
[A very fired up Heidi Pratt runs in to get her rant on]
Heidi: Juliette is hot, cool, she’s on a TV show. She is way too good to be putting up with crap from Alex. I think it’s ridiculous. I think he’s treating her like an absolute dog, and she’s too good for this. She can find a quarterback.
She’s in her prime and now is the time to move on, because the way he treats her is absolutely disgusting. I’ve been rooting for Alex this whole time, but seeing him even say something like that? She’s right. You don’t treat someone you love like that, ever.
I would punch my boyfriend in the face if he spoke to me the way Alex is speaking to Juliette… it’s disgusting. #siestakey
If Spencer called me a name like that in public? I would never, ever put up with that. I don’t even like the words, “Shut up.” If he said “idiot” to me in public, we would have serious problems. How you treat someone privately is how you should treat somebody publicly. I don’t think there should be two different lives. I don’t want it to be too late for her. Now is the time to bail out. Stay in school. Major in a new boyfriend.
Spencer: You’ll never catch me saying, “You’re an idiot, Heidi.”
On whether Spencer feels for Juliette:
I mean, you want to date the cool, player, rich guy that drinks? This is what happens. Juliette could have had a way chiller relationship with Garrett. There wasn’t much drama in that relationship.
I don’t remember Garrett calling her stupid when they were having their little fling. I think if Juliette had said to Garrett, “I’m thinking about opening my own Core.” He would have been like, “That’s brilliant. I can help with the diet and meal plan.” I don’t think he would have been like, “I don’t think you can do that.” If that’s what Juliette wants, then those are the types of guys she should date.
On Chloe making up with Alex and Juliette:
Chloe is the most honest of ‘em all. And everything she said made her super likable. I felt like she’s tearing out her heart. She admitted she was Swimfan and it was just one year ago. She wasn’t like, “So long ago.” She was like, “Last year.”
I felt like she acknowledged that all of her friends don’t like her anymore even though she’s the reason why they’re all friends. I felt like it was a very real moment, and I appreciated her honesty. She could have kept denying that she’s obsessed with Alex.
People think she’s just doing all this to go on the Miami trip, but Chloe gets to go Miami regardless of whether Alex and Juliette want her to be there. I feel like the production would have her in Miami, no matter what. She doesn’t need to say any of that to get on the Miami trip. Juliette doesn’t need to watch out for Chloe.
I think you should stop cheating on your boyfriend. https://t.co/TuRun8Pqkb
What are we mad at Chloe about, really? That she talks shit? Everyone on this cast talks shit. Her behavior is a reflection of all of her group. They all do the same stuff. They all say stuff about each other. They all switch alliances. The Key is really like Survivor. They’re at a Tribal Council every week. It’s just located at the club.
On why Alex is always picking on Juliette:
Alex sometimes has L.C. syndrome. I feel like this show was pitched as, “Alex Kampo in the Key.” And I bet the sizzle reel was way more Alex-centered.
In his head this is his show. Now that Juliette’s narrating it, he’s like, “What? I should be narrating.” When you think like that, it’s weird when other people want to talk about their story on your show.
On the unnamed brunette who tried to hook up with Madisson’s “boyfriend” Ben and is going after Canvas (Hi, Canvas!) next:
Well, that girl knows how to get on TV. Carson should have paid attention.
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