Billie Eilish reveals she 'starved' herself and popped diet pills at just 12 as she battled 'hatred' for her body
BILLIE Eilish revealed she "starved" herself and popped diet pills at just 12 years old as she battled "hatred" for her body.
The young singer has always worn baggy clothes to purposefully hide her body from being sexualized.
In an interview with Vanity Fair, Billie revealed that her body insecurities pushed her to extremes in her early teen years, something that she's been able to improve this past year.
After first coming into the music scene rocking only baggy clothes, Billie surprised fans when she was photographed last year in a tight tank top and shorts.
She said of that moment: "I was really, really glad though, mainly, that I'm in this place in my life, because if that had happened three years ago, when I was in the midst of my horrible body relationship – or dancing a ton, five years ago, I wasn't really eating.
"I was, like, starving myself."
Billie used to be a dancer, but an injury squashed that career.
She continued: "I remember taking a pill that told me that it would make me lose weight and it only made me pee the bed – when I was 12. It's just crazy. I can't even believe, like I – wow. Yeah.
She then added of that pap photo: "I thought that I would be the only one dealing with my hatred for my body, but I guess the internet also hates my body. So that's great."
Despite her relationship with her body, Billie stripped down to her bra to make a bold statement about body shaming during the first night of her Where Do We Go World Tour in Miami back in March.
The superstar was seen taking off her top in a video that played in the background as she discussed her battle to overcome everyone's "disapproval" over body image onstage.
In the two-minute clip, Billie slowly unzipped her top as her voiceover said: "I feel your stares, your disapproval."
She then took her top off completely as she discussed the pressures of being a young female artist in an industry that sexualizes so many women.
Bille said: "If I wear what is comfortable, I am not a woman. If I shed the layers, I'm a s**t.
"Though you've never seen my body, you still judge it, and judge me for it."
Billie has not only spoken about her eating disorder, but she's also opened up about her plans to commit suicide back in 2018.
During an interview with British GQ, Billie opened up about her suicidal thoughts when asked about the online bullying she’s faced.
“Oh, God. It’s unbelievable,” the five-time Grammy winner responded when the hate she’s received on social media was brought up.
“I almost killed myself because of Twitter a couple of years ago.
“Like, for real,” she added in her candid reveal.
When asked what her reasons were for taking her own life, Billie told the publication she was reading and scrolling through endless negativity on Twitter.
“I was thinking about the way I was going to die,” she said.
The Ocean Eyes songstress added that she was “snapped back to reality” when she thought about her mom, Maggie, and brother Finneas O’Connell.
She said they were both with her right before she was left by herself, but went out to grab food.
“I clearly wanted to be alone, as I had things on my mind that I was, sort of, planning.
“And I think they could tell, so instead of not going, they went, but as they went they texted my tour manager, who was in the same hotel,” the LA native told the magazine.
She added the tour manager, Brian, who she had worked with since she was 14, came to her room and helped her laugh.
When she was asked if there is anything she wanted to tell her younger self that was struggling with these thoughts, Billie said: “Yeah: ‘Relax, girl. You good. And don’t kill yourself.’”
During the same interview, the Lovely songwriter also discussed her body image, and why she regularly dresses in her signature, oversized clothing.
“I have never felt desired. My past boyfriends never made me feel desired. None of them.
“And it’s a big thing in my life that I feel I have never been physically desired by somebody.
“So I dress the way I dress as I don’t like to think of you guys – I mean anyone, everyone – judging it, or the size of it,” the teenager confessed.
Billie first gained attention in 2015 when she and her brother uploaded Ocean Eyes to SoundCloud.
She soon gathered a cult following but skyrocketed to international fame after the release of her 2019 smash hit Bad Guy.
The March issue of Vanity Fair is available via digital download and on newsstands Friday 29th January.
If you or someone you know is affected by any of the issues raised in this story, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255) or National Eating Disorder Hotline at 800-931-2237.
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