Sorry, childless millennials going to Disney World is weird

When you wish upon a star … a crazed mom will say how things are!

The Internet was set afire this week when an old Facebook post resurfaced on Twitter, showing a mother’s expletive-laced rant declaring that millennials without kids should be banned from Disney World.

(Puts popcorn in microwave.)

“It pisses me off TO NO END!!!!! when I see CHILDLESS COUPLES WITHOUT AT DISNEY WORLD!!!!,” she wrote, as if a drunk contestant on “The Bachelor.” “People without CHILDREN need to be BANNED!!!!! Mothers with children should be allowed to skip ALL THE LINE!!!”

The reverse Miss Hannigan went on to describe the straw that broke the mouse’s back.

“This c–t in some very SLUTTY shorts was buying a Mickey pretzel and Aiden wanted one but the line was very long so I said later and it broke his poor little heart and he cried,” the woman added. “I WANTED TO TAKE THAT F—–G PRETZEL FROM THAT TRAMP LIKE THANKS B—H YOU MADE MY SON CRY!”

The happiest place on earth, you say? While mom will win no prizes for speech-writing, oration or, well, peace, there was a glimmer of wisdom contained within her word vomit.

“DW is a FAMILY amusement park!” she said. “Yet these IMMATURE millennials THROW AWAY THEIR MONEY ON USELESS CRAP!!!!”

Ms. F—–G PRETZEL is right on this point. Millennials are indeed in an unhealthy relationship with Disney, having granted control of so much of their leisure time and personality to a single, enormous corporate entity meant for children. Want to see a movie? Let’s go to the remake of 1995’s “The Lion King” or 1992’s “Aladdin.” Want to go on vacation? Sure, let’s jet off to the new Toy Story Land at Disney World, based on my favorite film from 1995. While we’re at it, why not return to the safety and comfort of the womb?

The usual complaint about those born between 1981 and 1996 remaining constant 12-year-olds is that the behavior amounts to self-infantilization and a lifelong immaturity that bleeds into basic decision making: getting jobs, paying bills, staying alive.

But another oft ignored problem with letting a kids brand control your adult life is the stupidity and culture ignorance it leads to. You’re skipping great films such as “Booksmart” and “The Farewell” to relive second grade. And your annual (or more, God help us) trip to Disney World costs as much — and more in some cases — than a trip to Europe, South America or Canada, where you would meet people different from yourself. People for whom the only color of the wind is see-through. Fanny-pack-less people.

But many millennials are fine with sticking to “A Whole New World” rather than exploring a whole new world. A 2018 Morning Consult survey showed that 75% of non-parent millennials were interested in going to a theme park that year.

In the case of Disney, which is gearing more toward millennials with nostalgic attractions and added cocktail bars, it’s not so simple as hopping in the car and strapping into the Tower of Terror. That trip will set you back. It currently costs $109 per day to visit one of Disney’s four parks — $654 for a six-day trip. Hotels in Orlando will run you about $150 a night — $750 for five nights. Average airfare to Orlando is $260, according to the Bureau of Transportation. That’s $1664 before food and drink.

I know I’ll get a barrage of emails and Tweets explaining all the crafty ways Walt Worshipers shave a couple hundred dollars off their Disney trips. Noted. But that’s not the point. Why do the same old, safe, boring thing when you could buy a round-trip Norwegian Airlines flight from New York to Paris right now for $280, get an AirBnb and sit along the Seine drinking rosé?

Oh who am I kidding? You’ll skip the Louvre and go straight to Disneyland Paris.

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