My husband has decided he doesn't want kids and I'm heartbroken
DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has just dropped a bombshell on me: He doesn’t want kids.
We always talked about having a family, but for him it was never the right time.
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First, he said we should wait until we had our own place, then we didn’t have the money and then we should wait until we were married.
The years ticked by and he always had an excuse.
Recently, we’ve stopped having sex. When I asked him if he still fancied me, he said of course he did but he is scared I’ll get pregnant.
He has now decided he doesn’t want a baby. Ever.
He is 46 and thinks he is too old.
Now I have a dilemma. Do I stay and resent him for ever, or walk away from 12 years of happiness?
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I am 40, so it’s probably too late to meet someone else and have children with them.
He’s my best friend, my world, but I feel like he has deceived me for years and taken away my chance of a family. We’re rowing a lot.
Meanwhile, I see my friends’ kids and I want to cry.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have an incredibly difficult decision to make.
Your husband loves you and was probably scared to tell you the truth for fear that you might leave him.
You need to discuss this with him, ideally with the support of a counsellor who can help you to deal with your feelings. My support pack on counselling will help.
There are no guarantees you will find love again. But even if you don’t, you could decide to have a child alone or look into adoption.
If you do stay with your husband, you can’t allow yourself to become bitter and resentful, or you will end up with nothing.
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