My girlfriend says she has been faking orgasms for a year and I am considering breaking up with her
DEAR DEIDRE: MY girlfriend is a top-class actress – I’ve just found out she has been faking orgasms with me for the past year.
She’s 24 and I’m 23. We’ve been together for 12 months and only now has she let it slip she hasn’t climaxed with me.
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In fact, she says she’s never had an orgasm, although she thinks she got close with an ex.
All the time we have been together I thought everything was going well in bed.
I made an effort with foreplay, she made the right sounds and even faked feeling satisfied at the end.
I feel so let down by her. I’m not the type of guy who doesn’t take an interest.
I always ask her what she wants, how it was for her and check she orgasmed. She always assured me everything is good with her.
I’ve never had any reason to question my bedroom skills. My previous two girlfriends were satisfied with me, I think.
I only found out the truth because she had a couple of girlfriends around at our flat recently. They all had one too many drinks and were giggling loudly in the garden while I chilled out inside.
They got on to the subject of their best conquests in bed, so of course my ears pricked up.
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I crept to the window to hear my girlfriend drunkenly confide that while I was good in bed, she had faked every orgasm.
She then went on to do an impression of her “scrunched-up orgasm face” — much to their delight and my disbelief. I felt humiliated and have since shied away from sex with her.
How do I talk to her about this? I’m so angry I’m considering breaking up with her.
She can tell something is wrong and keeps asking me what is going on.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have every reason to feel let down by your girlfriend.
The first person she should have been talking to about her lack of orgasms is you.
Laughing about it with her friends shows emotional immaturity.
But before you walk away from what sounds like a good relationship otherwise, try talking to her and let her know how you feel.
She has probably been pretending she has orgasms because she feels embarrassed that she has not been able to climax.
She then no doubt opened up with her friends after a couple of wines lessened her inhibitions.
Most women achieve orgasm by stimulating the clitoris, so encourage her to practise on her own, then show you what works for her.
I am sending you my support pack Women And Orgasm. Explain to her that you want both of you to enjoy the intimacy of sex.
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