My dad told me my mother wasn’t my real mum and now she won’t answer my questions about it – The Sun

DEAR DEIDRETHE woman I thought was my mother is refusing to answer my questions about my parentage.

I am a 54-year-old man.

As a child I had a terrible relationship with my father, it was as if he was ashamed of me.

Mum sent me to live with my father’s parents for some years when I was young but has always refused to explain why.

My father developed dementia three years ago and Mum put him in a home.

On my last visit before he died I asked him why he and my mother had sent me away and he said, “She is not your real mother” but would not explain more.

Maybe it was the dementia talking but he seemed more lucid than he had been for years.

My mother is now 75. She won’t speak to me and the doubt is eating me up.

DEIDRE SAYS: Your father may have been confused but I can see that it could be a reassuring explanation for you of your childhood difficulties if you had a different biological mother.

Maybe she had problems which meant your father became the parent with custody.

Did your father have any siblings who are still alive and who might know what happened?

Your “mother” sounds to be very unhappy to have these old memories raked up – attitudes were very different 50 years ago – but tell her you don’t want to reproach her, just to know the truth.

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