Mum adopted before trying for biological children: 'The love won't be different'
A woman who chose to adopt two children before trying to get pregnant says she won’t feel any differently about her biological babies.
Aimee Cooper and her husband James, from the West Midlands, adopted siblings, but are still planning on trying for biological children of their own.
But Aimee says there is more than enough space in her heart for her to love all of her children equally.
‘I became aware of adoption at an early age,’ Aimee tells Metro.co.uk. ‘This was through TV and film rather than life experiences.
‘I remember feeling drawn to it, immediately feeling that this made sense and that bringing a child in to my life in this way would be perfectly achievable.’
Adoption was something Aimee had always wanted for herself, and thankfully her new husband was more than on board with the idea.
While some might see adoption as a back-up plan, if biological children aren’t possible, Aimee and James never saw it this way.
‘Having biological children was just not our first option,’ she explains. ‘It wasn’t a priority over adoption.
‘We had discussed the adoption process and how much easier this process would likely be if we didn’t already have children at home to consider throughout.’
So, they got the ball rolling and embarked on the process of adoption within the first year of their marriage. It wasn’t entirely smooth sailing, and there were set-backs along the way, but for Aimee, it was entirely worth it.
‘It was a thorough process, which I loved!’ says Aimee. ‘I like to become an expert at the things I’m passionate about and the process is filled with opportunities to learn more about how it all works, and about myself.
‘The most difficult moments were those where I felt out of control. For example, professionals who didn’t work in a manner that I would have expected as standard. Or paperwork delays and information loss. Those things are somewhat understandable, certainly the latter two, but it definitely put me on edge at times.’
Aimee and James were matched with an eight-month-old boy whose mother couldn’t give him the stability he needed and who was pregnant again.
When the mother gave birth for the second time, Aimee and James also adopted the boy’s little sister, after she spent six months in foster care.
‘Our eldest had such a smooth transition, he had already stopped contact with his birth family and his foster carer did an amazing job at welcoming us,’ explains Aimee. ‘She made us feel like part of the family and the furniture from day one.
‘I think this helped him to feel comfortable with us quickly.
‘Little miss, our youngest, had a tricky time during contact. This must have been so confusing for her and as much as I am pleased she got to have this time with her birth family; it wasn’t as positive as everyone would have liked.
‘Since then, we have navigated separation anxiety; but ultimately a very happy and secure little one.’
The couple are delighted with their family, but they still have the hope of trying for biological children if the circumstances are right. But Aimee will only consider this if it is in the best interests of the children she already has.
‘As with any family, but certainly with adoption; there can be difficulties when adding more children,’ she explains. ‘We were fully informed about the needs an adopted child may have and the dynamic this could create.
‘Therefore, we made peace knowing that adoption may be the only way we ever bring children in to our home. And what’s more, we may only be able to do it this once. If it would be detrimental to our children to bring more children home (by any means), then we are happy knowing that these two children are our whole world.
‘Having biological children has never been a huge priority for me or my husband. I think I would very much enjoy the opportunity to experience pregnancy, child birth and breast feeding.
‘Ultimately though, the end result is the main goal for me. If we choose to expand our family again and this is in everyone’s best interest, we will most likely try for biological children.
‘We decided this because adoption is so complex, we would like our first children to be older and much more able to understand our decision. Coming to terms with their own adoption will be complex enough, let alone them having to comprehend some level of another child’s.’
If the circumstances come together and Aimee and James are able to have biological children, they have considered the impact this could have on themselves and their wider family.
But Aimee is confident that she wouldn’t feel any differently about her adopted or biological children.
‘We really don’t worry about feeling any differently,’ she tells us. ‘I’ve chatted to many parents with both biological and adopted children who agree that the feelings are the same.
‘Our little boy is our whole world and when his sister arrived, the love we had just grew. It wasn’t shared between them, more space grew in our hearts for her.
‘Their place in our hearts will always be as our first child and first newborn child. If we had biological children they would be our first grown children, meaning each of them had their own unique and amazing place in our family.’
Adoption is so important and meaningful to Aimee. She sees adoption as a service, a privilege that enables families to provide safety and love for children who need it the most.
‘If adoption didn’t exist, the world would be a better place,’ she says. ‘I mean this in the sense that the system could always educate, support and empower birth families to stay together successfully. I dream about this and I hope that one day, this can be a reality.
‘Until that day, children deserve to be loved unconditionally. They deserve security, consistency and warmth.
‘There is no greater gift than our children and we are honoured to be a part of their story. We are honoured to navigate life with them and to feel their love.’
Aimee posts about her journey on her Instagram @Aimeevlog and produces Youtube videos about adoption in the UK.
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Adoption Month
Adoption Month is a month-long series covering all aspects of adoption.
For the next four weeks, which includes National Adoption Week from October 14-19, we will be speaking to people who have been affected by adoption in some way, from those who chose to welcome someone else’s child into their family to others who were that child.
We’ll also be talking to experts in the field and answering as many questions as possible associated with adoption, as well as offering invaluable advice along the way.
If you have a story to tell or want to share any of your own advice please do get in touch at [email protected].
- Why we’re talking about adoption this month
- How to adopt a child – from how long it takes to how you can prepare
- The most Googled questions on adoption, answered
- How long does it take to adopt a child in the UK
- Adoption myths that could be stopping you from starting a family
- How to tell your child they are adopted
Visit our Adoption Month page for more.
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