I'm convinced my fella is having sex with women he meets on dating apps — should I dump him?
DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner has a history of flirting with women on dating websites. I have always forgiven him but this time I’m convinced he is meeting them and sleeping with them too.
I feel like an idiot because I always want to believe his promises to never do it again. I love him and wish he would treat me with more respect.
I’m 32 and he’s 34. We have always had a good sex life and have sex at least three times a week — even now, two years into our relationship.
But he has never been completely trustworthy. The last time I discovered he was on dating sites we split up for a month. But against my better judgment, I took him back.
He apologised, bought me a beautiful necklace and swore it would never happen again. He said he would focus on me and our relationship from now on.
But lately, those same tell-tale signs have come creeping back. He is constantly attached to his phone and regularly hides it. I guessed the passwords for the apps on his phone and saw messages to other women detailing his sexual fantasies with them. There were several intimate pictures on there of some of the women.
I am not the most confident person at the best of times, so seeing these other women’s bodies made me feel even worse. When I confronted him, he dismissed it as “just banter” and says he hasn’t met any of them. I know he is lying.
Two of the women had texted to say they had a great time with him and both suggested meeting again. He tried to justify this latest discovery by saying he has a lot of single mates, they are all on these apps and he wanted to see what it was all about.
He says that what he is doing has nothing to do with our relationship. When I asked him how he would feel if I was doing the same thing with other guys, he laughed it off.
He accused me of being paranoid and jealous and says I am making it a big issue. I try to stay calm but can’t trust him. What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You know what you should do. Your boyfriend is cheating on you. You have more than enough evidence with these texts, dating apps, even photos.
While it sounds like your boyfriend is quite able to keep his flings and your relationship separate in his head, his infidelity will mean he is not focusing properly on your relationship.
It sounds like he is envious of his single friends but I am sure a lot of them would give anything to be in a relationship. He can’t have both. Deep down he knows this, which is why he tries to belittle you.
This cycle will keep repeating itself unless you finish this dead-end relationship once and for all. And by cheating he is seriously risking spreading coronavirus. My support pack Can’t Be Faithful? will help you think this through.
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