I want to ditch my husband because he SEXTS women and sees prostitutes
DEAR DEIDRE: I MET my husband at work and we had an affair – even though we were both married, him for the fourth time.
I couldn’t get enough of him and thought I’d met my soulmate. We both tried to end the affair but in the end we left our partners and moved in together. But I didn’t really know him. Our relationship was all sex and passion, not ordinary life. He is 43 and I’m 31.
Soon after moving in together, I found he used chatrooms and was sending sexual emails to other women. When I confronted him, he said how sorry he was and swore he would stop, so I tried to forget it.
His last ex-wife told me he lives in fantasy land. She said he regularly contacted other women online for sex chats and had a vast amount of porn on laptops and tablets. Nearly everything I knew about him and his life was a pack of lies.
After that, I always suspected he was up to something — and I was right. One evening he left his phone at home when he went to the pub. I looked at it and discovered he had been texting prostitutes, arranging to meet them. My world fell apart.
I tackled him about it and he admitted texting them but said he never met any of them. I’m not sure I believe him.
I broke my ankle a few weeks ago. He took me to hospital but left early when they said they wanted to keep me in overnight. That was one of the dates he’d arranged to see a prostitute. He says that was a coincidence but I was torn with doubt.
We have been married for two years and I am more suspicious than ever. I can’t get past the pain and hurt he has put me through. I love him and want to be with him but sometimes just looking at him makes me feel sick.
I am not sure whether to cut my losses and leave him or somehow try to forget it.
Topic of the day
ALMOST all of us have sexual fantasies but men tend to want to act out theirs, while women more often use their imagination to rev up their responses.
That difference can cause problems but my Sexual Fantasies leaflet can help.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or message me via Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: In spite of his promises, he hasn’t stopped, though he must have realised history is repeating itself.
What was his childhood like? I would guess there was something there to make him wary of settled commitment. My e-leaflet Addicted To Sex? could help him.
It won’t be easy for him to change but it may be possible to save your marriage if he is willing to get help. If he isn’t, nothing will change and it will eventually wreck your self-esteem. In that case, best to end his fifth marriage, I’m afraid.
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