Here’s How Long To Date Before Sleeping Over, According To 9 Women

Whether you sleep with a new boo on the first date, after getting married, or literally never — when it comes to sex, the only rule is consent. If you and your partner(s) are consenting adults, getting it on in whatever way feels right is right. And while your preferences are your own, it can sometimes be helpful to hear the experiences of others when finding what works best for you. From knowing how long to date before sleeping over to how often to sleep over — listening to friends, big sisters, or heck, even some sage strangers, can help in refining your own preferences.

Having sex is one thing, but sometimes, spending the night can totally be another. If you’ve stressed about navigating how many dates you should go on before sleeping over at a new boo’s, you’re not alone. Old ( and sexist and slut-shame-y) rhetoric often warns against sleeping over on the first date, whereas quippy internet-feminist T-shirts may tell us to "Be a slut! Do whatever you want!" But how do we know what we want? When it comes to finding the ins and outs of getting it on, speaking with others can often help you feel more supported in the sex that you’re having.

I spoke with nine women about how long they choose to see someone before spending the night.

1Third Time’s A Charm

—Kenna, 24

2No One Answer

—Lena, 27

3It Depends

-Jenna, 25

4Just One

— Alexis, 22

5No Dates

—Alesin, 23

6Cancer Queen

— Zoe, 23

7Give It Time

— Soph, 25

8Not On The First

— Macy, 30

9Whenever You Want

— Gemma, 24

When it comes to finding how many dates feels right before sleeping over, the answer is that it is ultimately up to you and the people you’re seeing. As long as everyone is a consenting adult, whatever timeline is best for you is the best timeline that is best.

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