Dear Mary: Love of my life hurts me so much

I recently got back with the love of my life after two years of being separated because of his incarceration. We had issues before but this time I thought it was going to be different – I don’t know why.

Everything was good at first but then I found out that he had been seeing someone that he knew previously.

I’m so confused because he gives me these mixed signals as if he wants to be together and move in together again, then the next thing he’s not answering phone calls or texts or anything.

I just don’t know what to do.

I know people say that he doesn’t love me if he’s not going to answer me but I don’t believe that.

I know he cares for me. I’m not sure that he’s in love with me, but I just really would like to know how I should handle it.

So far, I’ve just left him alone but that’s not what I want. I want to do what he wants to do as well. How do I get him to see that he’s losing me for good this time because I just can’t keep dealing with this – it’s killing me inside.

I literally get a physical pain and physical sickness every time we go through this, and I hate it.

A Even though you say this man is the love of your life it doesn’t sound like you are his.

I’m sorry to be so blunt, but he really isn’t treating you at all well and you deserve better.

You were prepared to take him back after he had been a long time away – and good for you for standing by him. But he rewarded you by seeing someone else behind your back.

I’m not disputing that he has feelings for you but they do not seem strong enough to sustain a relationship and if you were to move back in with him again I’m not sure that there would be a happy outcome for you.

Text him and ask to meet up with him for a serious chat and ask that he responds to the text – it is the least that he owes you.

Then when you meet, explain that you can’t go on not knowing where you stand and because of this you have no option but to finish the relationship as it is now exists.

At least that way you will have taken control of the situation and you won’t be hanging on waiting for him to contact you when he feels like it.

Then you should concentrate on getting on with your life – there are other men out there who will treat you far better than he has done, and even though it may take some time you will eventually get over him and go on to meet someone new.

You can contact Mary O’Conor anonymously by visiting or email her at [email protected] or write c/o 27-32 Talbot Street, Dublin 1. All correspondence will be treated in confidence. Mary O’Conor regrets that she is unable to answer any questions privately.

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