7 signs your partner may be “quiet quitting” your relationship

Written by Amy Beecham

The signs you’re heading towards a breakup might already be there. Here’s how to look for them.

While romcoms and Christmas adverts have taught us that the frosty days of December are the perfect setting for a festive romance, in reality that’s not always the case. Despite being the season for cuffing, snow-globing and drafting, December is in fact the most common month for being dumped, according to the analysis of data from thousands of Facebook messages.

The most popular day of allfor seasonal splits? 11 December.

Unless you’ve been drifting apart for a while, it’s often easy to be blindsided by a breakup. But according to relationship expert Pippa Murphy at Condoms.uk, there are some subtle signs to pick up on if you suspect your significant other may be ‘quiet quitting’ your relationship in preparation.

Seen in everything from the workplace to friendships, quiet quitting involves one party giving up and minimising their effort without telling the other person about their feelings or needs. Quiet quitters will likely know that they’re doing their partner harm, but don’t want to face their own emotions or deal with confrontation, so they stay silent instead of communicating with their partner honestly.

So how can it be spotted?

7 signs your significant other is ‘quiet quitting’ your relationship 

They no longer make time for you

As Murphy explains, If your partner used to make time for you but now doesn’t, that could be a sign of quiet quitting.

“They might not even realise what they’re doing because they’ve become so used to being single that they don’t think twice about leaving their partner hanging when they have other things going on in their life,” she says.

They won’t commit to any plans in 2023

While 2022 isn’t even over yet, you’re probably already looking ahead to the next year, planning everything from which exhibitions you want to see to hidden gems you want to discover abroad. But if your partner seems reluctant to make plans and refuses to talk about your future together, it could be because they want out of the relationship but don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you directly.

As Murphy says, one of the positives of it being near the end of the year is that you can ask about plans for the new year, from moving in together or booking a holiday. However, if they show no interest, then it is likely a red flag. 

They stop talking about happy memories from the past

“If your partner stops talking about the happy memories that you two shared, it could be because they don’t want to feel guilty about wanting out of the relationship, and instead are trying to forget about their relationship with you,” adds Murphy.

They stop sharing their feelings with you

Another common sign of relationship distance is when they stop sharing their feelings with you or avoid the subject of what’s going on in their mind at all costs.

This could mean that they don’t want to talk about any problems in the relationship. Instead, by quiet quitting, they are trying to end the relationship without having to deal with the emotions that come with a breakup. As Murphy suggests, it’s kind of like putting a Band-Aid on an open wound – they’re not dealing with what’s really going on.

They take longer to reply to text messages

If your partner takes longer to reply to text messages and doesn’t seem as excited about talking with you, then this could be a sign that they’re silently quitting the relationship. For example, they may no longer initiate conversations or give you updates about their day. This is, of course, only relevant if they were a texter beforehand.

They don’t listen when you talk about your problems

Similarly, if they’re no longer showing interest in your life when you talk in person, this could be another red flag. “For example, if your partner doesn’t listen to you when you talk about work or other problems, it could be because they don’t care about what’s going on in your life,” says Murphy. “They’re distracted by their worries and concerns – which may include ending the relationship.”

You’re arguing a lot more (and it’s always about petty problems)

Murphy is clear: a relationship without conflict is not a healthy one. However, if you and your partner are constantly fighting, it might be because they’ve decided that they don’t want to stay with you anymore but don’t want to hurt your feelings by telling you directly. So, instead, they take their anger about the situation out on small, petty things that don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.  

What to do if your partner is quiet quitting your relationship

So you’ve noticed the signs, but how do you take action?

Don’t wait for your partner to bring it up

According to Murphy, if you’ve been dating someone for a while and they haven’t brought up the idea of ending things yet, then it’s probably safe to assume that they’re not ready to talk about it just yet. But instead of waiting around until they mention it first, try bringing it up yourself. This can be especially helpful if you’re feeling frustrated or hurt by their silence on the matter – otherwise, they might think that everything is fine when there are problems in your relationship that need addressing.

Be open and honest, and listen to them, too

The most important step to take is to understand what’s happening and why it’s happening. If your partner is quiet quitting, there may be other issues going on in the relationship besides just one person wanting out. There could be communication problems or trust issues or financial problems or any number of things that might have nothing at all to do with love but everything to do with the fact that neither person feels safe enough in the relationship to talk about it openly and honestly enough for both of them to feel supported long-term.

Every couple is different, so finding a way to move on (or through) is the best way to ensure each party is happy with the outcome.

Images: Getty

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