I'm friends with the man who murdered my mum when I was 15 months old – he's even been to dinner with my kids

MARIAH Lucas’ mum was brutally killed when she was 15 months old.

After meeting the perpetrator, Mariah, 30, from Dallas, Texas, has not only forgiven him but they’ve struck up a lasting friendship

She says: "Standing at the door of the halfway house, I was shaking with nerves.

"Twenty-six years earlier, my mum Sharlene had been murdered, and I was about to come face to face with her killer. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door.

"My mum died aged 22 in April 1993, when I was 15 months old, and I don’t have any memories of her.

"Growing up, I knew very little about Sharlene, and my dad Donald, now 66, never mentioned her.

"Until I was seven, I never even questioned why she wasn’t around, and had no contact with Mum’s family.

"My early years were chaotic – I was often hungry, with clothes that didn’t fit, and we had spells living in our car when we were between houses.

"In 1999, when I was seven, Dad was sent to prison on assault with a deadly weapon and drugs charges. My brother and I went to live with my dad’s brother and his wife, and life became more normal.

"My aunt had been my mother’s best friend, and she told me that Mum was dead, though she didn’t say how. I was deeply shocked and sad.

"My aunt told me about Mum’s love of dancing and singing, how she’d put me in frilly dresses, and how as a toddler at her funeral 

"I stood by the coffin, screaming for her. She also gave me Mum’s earrings and showed me a picture of her for the first time. I thought Mum was beautiful, and these few tiny things were everything to me. 

"When I was 12, I learned from my aunt and uncle that mum hadn’t just died, but that a man had murdered her at a cash machine.

"I didn’t ask how it happened, but I was told that the perpetrator was in prison. Overwhelmed, I struggled to process it and couldn’t face searching for details.

"In 2009, aged 18, I became pregnant unexpectedly, and my son Chase, now 11, was born in August 2010. I was heartbroken that Mum wasn’t there to meet her grandson.

"My relationship with Chase’s dad ended soon after the birth, but two months later, I connected on Facebook with a guy called Cody, who’d been two years ahead of me at school.

"I opened up to him about Mum and the pain I struggled with, and we fell in love. I was six weeks pregnant when we got married in March 2012 at a small ceremony.

"Our son Dylan, now nine, was born in November 2012. Life as a young family was hard, but the love and security I felt was amazing. 

"I became a stay-at-home mum, while Cody worked as an architect.

"Every day, I’d talk to Mum, telling her about Chase, Dylan and our daughter Harper, born in May 2014.

"Thinking about her meant that the man who murdered her was also on my mind. I’d learned from family that his name was Jason Clark, but I never researched the details of his trial or sentence – I was too traumatised.

"It weighed heavily on me and I was often stressed, anxious and snappy. It impacted my relationships, but Cody was understanding, and my friends were supportive. 

"In September 2015, I started a degree in criminal justice at DeVry University in San Diego, California. In November of that same year, I had my wisdom teeth removed, which resulted in an infection that turned septic.

"I was rushed into hospital and put into a coma, and at one point, my heart stopped. The doctors managed to save me, but after my near-death experience, I realised how short life could be and felt like it was time to try to let go of all the pain and trauma I’d carried around.

"Wanting to forgive him, I suddenly felt compelled to reach out to my mum’s killer. When I told Cody, he understood, though many of my relatives were furious. Still, it was something that I had to do.

"I finally decided to write to Jason in prison in June 2016, after finding out where he’d been sent from a news story. 

'He looked smaller than I'd imagined'

"It took me a month to write the letter. Over five pages I told him about my traumatic childhood, and the wonderful husband and children I had.

"I wrote that I forgave him and that I wanted him to forgive himself, too. A month later, I received a letter from Javier Stauring, the executive director of an organisation called Healing Dialogue And Action, which works to bring about change in the criminal justice system.

"He explained that although Jason had received my letter, he wasn’t allowed to reply, but that he would soon be released from prison after 23 years, and wanted to meet me. Straight away, I knew I wanted to as well.

"Trembling with nerves, I walked into the room in the halfway house in December 2016 and saw Jason. I had been expecting to be intimidated, but he looked smaller than I’d imagined, and very afraid.

"He was sitting shaking, with tears in his eyes. Without thinking, I walked over to him and we hugged. 

"The first thing I asked was: “Why did you do it?” Weeping, Jason explained that he’d been sexually abused from birth and it continued into his adulthood.

"He told me he was on meth when he saw Mum, who owed him money for drugs. They fought, and in the heat of it all he stabbed her.

"This was the first I’d heard of Mum’s drug use, but it was a strange relief to know what had happened.

"Jason was emotional, but I tried my best to stay calm. I didn’t feel any anger, just overwhelming sadness. I knew that he was hurting, too, and he’d never had any help to heal. 

"He crouched beside me and apologised. He explained that his time in prison had been hard and had taught him a lot. I wanted to travel back 23 years, take the knife out of his hand and tell him that there was another way.

"It sounds bizarre, but the intensity of that three-hour meeting forged such a bond that we went for dinner afterwards. At the restaurant, I called Cody to tell him I was fine, and he spoke to Jason, thanking him for being so open.

"A week later, Jason came out to join me for dinner with Cody and the kids. We’d told the children in simple terms what Jason had done.

"They accepted what we were saying, and Jason knew that he was meeting the grandchildren that Mum hadn’t got the chance to, and that it was a privilege. He sincerely apologised to them, accepting responsibility for the fact their grandma wasn’t there.

"Since then, our friendship has grown. We’ve worked together to advocate political change with state legislators, and we speak to prisoners and victims about reform and forgiveness.

"We see each other a couple of times a year, and check in with each other often. Jason has rebuilt his life and works as a driver, but also with Healing Dialogue And Action.

"He’s single now, but I’ve met his partners in the past, and there’s nothing that we don’t share. It’s a genuine friendship, and he was there in June 2018 when I graduated in criminal justice. 

"Forgiving Jason, and helping him to forgive himself, has brought such peace to my life. I will treasure our friendship forever. 

• I Became: The Stories Within My Scars – Finding A Voice And Sharing With The World What It Takes To Overcome by Mariah Lucas is available on Amazon.co.uk

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