I’m a sex-pert and these are the positions I’d never do – and I bet you've tried out this one very common one
Like everything else in life, sexual tastes can completely differ. One couple’s favourite position is likely to be different from another’s.
Before you think about getting down and dirty and trying out some new and unusual sexual positions, there are a few things to consider.
We’ve spoken to a sex-pert who has revealed the positions they’d never do – as they could result in some unusual injuries.
Online sex toy retailer, UberKinky’s in-house sex and relationship expert, Ruby, explained the positions that can have some undesirable outcomes.
TORRID TUG-OF-WAR
Sex type: P in V
How it’s done: Ruby explained how the torrid tug-of-war sex position works – and it’s one she’d recommend people avoid.
The penis-owner in this relationship lays on their back, whilst the vulva-owner straddles on top.
Then they should lean all the way back until you are both lying flat. You hold hands and bump and grind.
Why it’s a no: Ruby said: “An erect penis really doesn’t (and shouldn’t) bend that way!
“And although the penis can’t ‘break’ (despite the nickname there are no bones in the penis), it can certainly be damaged from excessive strain on the muscles.
“Plus, it looks like you’re you’re taking part in a weird sex ritual.”
THE BUTTER CHURNER
Sex type: P in V / Anal / Strap-on
How it’s done: The sex-pert explained how the butter churner sex position works and revealed why it’s a ‘no-go’.
She said the receiver lies on their back with their butt in the air, legs bent backwards so feet touch the ground near the head. The giver crouches over them.
Why it’s a no: Ruby added: “Recently made famous by the 2021 series of Love Island, the butter churner is an extremely difficult sex position to master.
“Apparently it’s great at getting you off, but ask yourself, at what cost? Again, the penis just doesn’t bend that way.
“And the receiver has to be incredibly flexible, but the butter churner puts a great deal of strain on their back and neck which could cause injury.”
THE EROTIC ACCORDION
Sex type: P in V / Anal / Strap-on
How it’s done: UberKinky’s sex expert also explained how the erotic accordion position works – and it doesn’t sound easy.
The giver lies on their back and hugs their knees towards their chest. The receiver squats down, facing them, and straddles the giver’s legs. Your thighs should be hugging theirs.
Why it’s a no: Ruby said people should steer clear if they want to avoid cramps. She said: “Have you ever tried to hold a wall squat?
“Unless you’ve got thighs of steel, you’ll know it’s an impossible feat.
“The receiver probably won’t be able to hold this position for long before their thighs are on fire and they’re risking some serious muscle cramping.”
THE WHEELBARROW
Sex type: P in V / Anal / Strap-on
How it’s done: The sex-pert said that while this position is self-explanatory – and most people know what to do – she said it’s quite impossible to actually pull off.
Why it’s a no: The receiver will need Olympic-level strength to pull this one off; your arms will be quivering in no time, and not in a good way.
Ruby said: “Plus when you reach the point of doing something like ‘the wheelbarrow’, it feels like you’re doing it for the sake of it. Where’s all the intimacy gone?”
THE STANDING SPLIT
Sex type: P in V / Strap-on
How it’s done: This is another sex position that Ruby said she’d advise people to give up on.
You both stand facing each other. The receiver balances on one leg and lifts the other to rest on the giver’s shoulder – but it’s not that simple!
Why it’s a no: Sex-pert Ruby explained: “Aside from needing yoga instructor-levels of flexibility, standing positions rarely work out as your pelvises would need to rest at the exact same height.
“Plus, with your centre of gravity thrown off, you’re more likely to topple over and injure yourself.”
REVERSE COWGIRL
Sex type: P in V / Strap-on / Anal
How it’s done: The reverse cowgirl may be a more common sex position – that most people have heard of – but Ruby insists it’s not as easy as it sends.
She said it is easy in theory; it’s simply the receiver on top but facing the other way.
Why it’s a no: But Ruby was keen to remind readers why this isn’t the best position. She said: “I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, the penis doesn’t bend that way.
“And to be honest, it’s not that easy on the receiver to be balancing themselves without completely leaning forward and exposing your butthole.”
THE STANDING 69
Sex type: Oral
How it’s done: One person needs to be stronger for this one as it is two people in the 69 position, but with one on their feet and holding the other one off the ground, Ruby described.
Why it’s a no: However this is one that the sex-pert would steer clear of – and it could result in a dangerous injury, such as one person being dropped!
She said: “Lifting someone off the ground is difficult enough in normal circumstances. Holding that person off the ground whilst receiving and giving pleasure? That’s a recipe for disaster in my mind.
“One surge (or orgasm) and someone could be dropped squarely on their head. Not to mention, the strain holding such a position for long periods will put on the neck and muscles.”
AQUARIUS
Sex type: P in V / Strap-on / Anal
How it’s done: Lastly professional sex expert Ruby encouraged people away from the Aquarius sex position – as it could result in serious injury.
The position is similar to the bridge pose in yoga, with one person in one and the partner lifts their legs.
Why it’s a no: Ruby said: “In my opinion, it’s unrealistic to think that anyone can hold a pose like this one for so long and actually enjoy themselves.
“Not only will the receiver experience a blood rush to their head, but their back and neck will be strained and they risk being dropped on their head if the giver gets a little too vigorous with their thrusts.”
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