Starbucks’ new Tie-Dye Frappuccino is yellow and gross

Starbucks’ new Tie-Dye Frappuccino is a confusing miasma of misguided choices.

The drink, which launched its five-day limited run Wednesday, looks like someone put the essence of Rainbow Brite into a blender with Yellow No. 5 food dye, then tried to make amends by plopping a dollop of whipped cream on top — which is to say, like nothing resembling real, edible food.

That’s not a complete turn-off for everyone, though. One NYC barista said she liked the $5.25 drink. When pressed for a reason, she responded that it “reminds her of a unicorn.”

Others weren’t as drawn to the technicolor nightmare. On a recent visit to a Midtown Starbucks, I encountered a gaggle of preteen campers having their first tie-dyed sip. This crew of 11- and 12-year-olds ordered three fraps between themselves — but didn’t detect any tropical notes as they pondered the flavor.

Camper Sarah Germana judiciously called it “artificially sweet,” while her pal Emma Shafeei chimed in that it tasted like “banana Laffy Taffy.” When asked if that was a good thing, the three gave their final verdict: “No.” The campers have spoken.

Counselor Kimberly Buffone said her crew said they would not be ordering it again and will instead stick to the strawberry Pink Drink.

“No one likes banana candy,” Buffone said.

This isn’t Starbucks’ first foray into flashy fraps gone wrong.

The coffee chain released its Unicorn Frappuccino, in 2017. The pink and blue concoction won the hearts and “likes” of many an Instagrammer, coming about at a moment when the mythical creatures were having a resurgence in popular culture. The mad dash to slurp down the limited edition drink nearly drove baristas to a breaking point.

Things really snowballed from there. The Unicorn was followed by a Christmas Tree Frappuccino and the “failed” Crystal Ball Frappuccino in 2018, leading some online critics to claim “I told you they were running out of ideas” status.

But Starbucks refuses to be called a quitter. Its newest creation attempts to tap into trends and Gen Z-ers’ wallets. The yellow base color looks suspiciously akin to Gen Z Yellow (Millennial Pink’s cooler younger sister) — not to mention, tie-dye is a fashionable summer motif.

But as an elder Gen Zer myself, I am, on behalf of my generation, offended. If Starbucks wants to force a marketing gimmick down our throats, it could at least consider execution. The appearance might be excused if the “Tie-Dye” actually tasted anything approximating good. Instead, it has concerning notes of overripe banana left to marinate in pool of stagnant water saturated with sugar.

It gets worse when you consider the painstaking, 10-step preparation process. It involves coating the cup with pink, blue, and yellow powder, blending up some yellow slush, topping it with whipped cream, then shaking on that powder again, explained one Starbucks barista.

She adds, “you have no idea” how annoying it is to make, calling the process “tedious.” It can take about 10 minutes to receive your drink order, and then you’re left at least $5.25 poorer, with a bad taste in your mouth.

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