Jamie Oliver reveals all about baby number 6, and how to do Christmas his way

When we turn up to meet the country’s most famous chef at his headquarters, behind security gates on an unassuming London street, we walk straight into the ‘engine room’ of the Jamie Oliver empire.

It’s quite something. The reception is an open-plan kitchen, where chefs are whipping up lunches for the 140 staff, and the decor is more boutique hotel than office.

‘We came from scrubby, humble beginnings, a rabbit warren of crap offices. But so much of what we do is about people, and look and feel and smell. This is a space for foodies,’ says the boss when he greets us like an old pal, having already been in the office since the crack (‘I won’t say what time or I’ll have some psycho waiting outside, but I’m first in and last out most days’).

It shows, as if we needed a reminder, how far he has come. He’s made 37 cooking shows (not counting multiple series) and built a restaurant empire (which we’ve been asked not to talk about after financial difficulties, but he mentions in the first minute). Moreover, he’s sold over 40 million copies of 29 cookbooks and is the biggest selling non-fiction author on the planet.

There can’t be many homes without a Jamie Oliver cookbook in them, and when he isn’t devising the feasts, festive or otherwise, of the nation, he’s Dad to Poppy, 16, Daisy, 15, Petal, nine, Buddy, eight, and River, two, with wife Jools. Jamie talks global fame, how he feels about more children, festive disasters, and what’s on the Oliver dinner table this Christmas…

What’s Christmas like in the Oliver house?
Utter chaos. Bodies everywhere. But there’s magic and fantasy and surprise. We are a ritualistic family. Getting the Christmas tree is the most wonderful and painful day. Jools feels sorry for trees, which is very strange. Last year, she bought the ugly ducking of Christmas trees, it was feral.

Do you spoil the kids, or keep it real?
This year me and Jools said ‘let’s try and control ourselves a little bit more’, focus on a few nice things. But in our house that’s still some volume. The problem is it’s just too exciting.

Most memorable presents?
One of the best was a car for Jools. I told her to buy herself a run-around, and was expecting her to come back with a Golf or something pleasant like that. But, like the trees, she was feeling sorry for the cars. Let’s just say she doesn’t cause me trouble with expensive tastes – it was the crappiest car, bless her. I stole it away, resprayed it, lowered it, put tacky alloys on it and a massive flame up the side. It did seven years of service before the flames started peeling off and it had to go for scrap.

Ever had a disaster in the kitchen? Too many sherries?
Oh Christ. That has happened. When you’re cooking, you’re getting things going, and if something nice is happening in the other room you want to join in. At Christmas I cook in a wood oven and if you get your timings wrong you end up in trouble. I put a chicken in there and forgot about it because I was doing stuff with the kids, and someone threw logs on and the chicken turned into a piece of coal.

Your recipes are on Christmas tables all over the world, but what will be on your table?
It’s nice to be a part of people’s cheer – 12 million people looked at our website for Christmas last year. It goes nuts. There will be 30 of us this year, both sides of the family. There will be porchetta, turkey and goose. Not the bird within a bird within a bird – that’s cute and all, but technically, it’s not wanting to end well. I get organised, I write lists when I never write lists.

And you’ve got Jamie’s Quick And Easy Christmas show to help the rest of us…

It’s five ingredients that have to punch really hard to deliver, and minimal shopping. My stuffing is bad ass, with five ingredients, dressing the turkey, five ingredients, the most insane gravy, five ingredients.

We suppose cooking for 30 people is a breeze for you…
I’d say it was a big deal actually, because I want to enjoy myself with 30 people too. I’ll do the holy trinity of the meat, veg and gravy – but I’ve gone into my Christmas book, taken a picture of the recipes and sent them out with the invite, strategically choosing the right person for the right job. Someone travelling can do the cheesy leeks and the cauliflower, because I can reheat that. The reprobate who can’t cook anything hygienically appropriate is told to bring Cheddar and port. Everyone has got someone who is a bit more work – that’s a polite way of saying it – we’ve all got the tricky, the emotional. And no, I’m not telling you who mine are.

Are people too scared to invite you over for dinner?
Yes. You’re going to get the violin out now. I believe I’ve had six dinner dates in 20 years. Not good is it? I’d come over for cheese on toast, but everyone is like, ‘F**k, I’m not having him round.’ Jason Flemyng is the one who broke the seal, then Dexter Fletcher followed. Dexter phoned me and said, ‘I’ve done one of your recipes, it didn’t work.’ I’m like, ‘Why? What book? What page?’ Until I realise he’d taken two recipes and spliced them together.

Worst thing you’ve ever eaten?
I’ve eaten a lot of things. Penis and balls, that can be quite pleasant. Braised penis can be delicious and you can take the skin and stuff it with glorious things. The worst thing was when I was cooking with the Navaho Indians. For whatever reason – and they could have been having a laugh, let’s be honest – I was given the anal sphincter of a sheep to eat. Well, eat is a stretch. If I got your spare tyre and cut a giant Polo from it, you’d chew on it for the same amount of time I did that sphincter. They were watching me for feedback, and watering eyes don’t lie.

Do you ever go ‘I can’t be bothered to cook’ and get a takeaway?
I went through a stage of testing delivery places, but it ends up arriving like it’s done two rounds with Tyson. I do get fish and chips, because I don’t want to be frying sh*t in my house. It’s too good if you cook it at home, it’s got to be soggy and well-travelled.

You are really very famous, does it ever get all a bit too much?
There’s a long list of things I don’t like, but I believe if you’re going to bother doing things in the public eye, then make it worth it. And realise it’s never going to be all the way you want it. I don’t experience it that often. I work, then I’m with my family, and I don’t get out much.

Does it stop you from going places?
It does. Pubs can be tough, they’re nice before 8 o’clock and after they go feral. Whether they love or hate you, trying to deal with people when they’re half-cut is impossible. But I’m a public servant, I’ll do anything, I even do selfies in the gents – a woman came in once and I had to finish up because once you start you can’t stop, and sign her f***ing book. Toilets should be a safe place. They’ve got my back in my local town in Essex. When you grow up in a pub you know everyone in the village. They get a lot of randoms turning up trying to find out where I live.

What reaction do you get from people in the street?
The eyes pop out, the mouth drops and they start to shake violently. You have to give them a hug and tell them you’re normal. The TV is a funny thing. It puts people in a position where they think you’re better, but you’re not. In the first three years it was scream-y. Now it’s all ‘My mum loves you’. It’ll be ‘My grandmother loves you’ next.

How do you manage home life with running an empire?
I don’t take work home ever, and if there’s a nappy to be changed or homework to be done, I’m there. It’s quite a bridge dealing with teenagers and toddlers at the same time. It’s interesting… Mostly asking the teens to change the nappies. But Jools is my rock.

We hear Jools is keen on baby number six…
I’ve tried to shut the shop a few times and I’ve failed. I just don’t know any more. My intention would be to not have another one, but she might have different ideas and my capacity for self-restraint clearly isn’t great, I don’t have a good track record. We should phone a bookie. What are the odds? Will they/won’t they?

Are you cool or embarrassing?
Buddy and Petal think I’m cool, but to everyone else I am embarrassing. You don’t have to do anything to be embarrassing, you just need to have a pulse. I took a couple of the older ones to Topshop the other day and one of them was getting on my nerves, so I broke out into dance. She walked off and I followed her doing spins and moonwalks. It was very colourful… the more embarrassed they get, the more you do it.

Don’t they know their dad is a national treasure, though?
Very nice of you to say so. Some would agree and some would highly disagree. I don’t know what it means. At its simplest, my job is to listen and have a meaningful conversation with the public. That’s seen me become pretty much the biggest cookery writer on the planet. And I can’t believe I can say that.

Jamie’s Quick And Easy Christmas from Wednesday, C4, 8pm. Festive feasting menus available now at Jamie’s Italian Restaurants

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