Everything You Need to Know About 'Lindsay Lohan's Beach Club'
If you haven’t been living your best life, you might not know that former teen queen/sometimes hot mess/current business beeyatch, Lindsay Lohan, is now a Grecian mogul. Well, kind of.
She already had a popping nightclub in Athens and more recently, she opened a day/nightclub on Mykonos, the Greek isle most associated with fun, sun, and total debauchery. Thankfully, Lohan decided to allow reality TV producers to invade her club/life and make a show about it — this show is Lindsay Lohan’s Beach House, which premieres Tuesday, Jan 8, at 8 p.m. on MTV.
Based on the premiere, I can confidently say that this show is…. alright. Lohan is a compelling character — there’s a reason she was (is?) super famous and it’s evident here! — but the rest of the show is a bit of a slog. When she’s off-screen (which is often), it revolves around the characters who inhabit the dayclub and they’re just not as fascinating as LiLo. To be fair, who is?
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The show revolves around a bunch of hot young people who are “auditioning” to be VIP hosts/brand ambassadors at the club. Lohan and Panos Spentzos, her business and creative partner, will spend the summer putting the kids through the paces and seeing if they have “what it takes” to make it as a dayclub ambassador.
The Cast
Mike — Bartender from West Hollywood who declares, “I’m good at what I do!” He says he’s bisexual. It’s the most interesting thing about him so far.
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I’m Gucci 👌🏻
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Juliann — Describes herself as a “model marketing server,” which, OK? She’s from a religious family. That’s about everything.
Brent — Describes himself as a “waitress slayer,” and prides himself on sleeping with all of the waitresses he works with. Lohan says he looks “like a demon,” and Spentzos says he’s hot. Later, he maybe has sex with one of the VIP clients? It’s a little uncomfortable.
Sara — Pretty girl who does bottle service for rich people. Seems nice?
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Don’t talk 2 me or my son ever again
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Aristotle — I don’t know, he’s hot? Kinda mean, maybe? Didn’t really get a sense of his personality.
Billy — Honestly, very similar to Aristotle? These dudes are all blurring together, except for Brent who talks A LOT.
Gabi — She calls herself a VIP waitress and has blue hair (but not for long, if Lohan has anything to say about it). She gets off on the wrong foot with Lohan, and now everyone hates her.
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Who says summers over? • • • • • #RocsAngels #DrocPhotography #Floridamodel #tgif 📸: @drocphotography
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Jonitta — Says she likes to “show up with good vibes, good energy, and get paid to look cute.” All that checks out. She’s the middle child of six who struggled financially growing up. She and Brent don’t get along.
May — Says her job is to flirt with millionaires, billionaires, etc. Actual job is bottle service waitress. Both things are probably true. However, later in the episode she deals with some insecurity. LiLo gives her advice — and they bond!
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The ladies of @lohanbeachclub 🔥🔥Tune in tonight @mtv at 8 pm
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Honestly, they all mesh together at a certain point because they’re pretty similar looking with no distinct personality other than trying to hook up? And I guess trying to impress Lohan and Spentzos, who says about them: “If they do something wrong, I’m going to kill them.” So, you know, it’s a super fun and supportive work environment.
The Format
It’s similar to Vanderpump Rules in that, although Lisa Vanderpump’s name is in the title of her show, she spends a limited amount of time on screen. Lindsay is seen sometimes, but not nearly enough, and the show suffers when she’s gone and it’s just a mish-mash of young people who look/sound/act the same.
The Main Plotline
Everyone’s trying to get this job as a “brand ambassador,” which Lohan and Spentzos take very seriously. They want everyone to be there “for the right reasons,” but I have no clue what the right reasons are. I don’t think they do either? Anyway, that’s the main thrust of the pilot — Lohan worrying everyone’s taking advantage of her, but it’s hard to imagine that anyone who would be on this show wouldn’t be there to take advantage of her. And I don’t mean that in a bad way — they can still be hard workers who want to do a good job! — but at the end of the day, everyone is there to party with famous and/or people on the beach and make money doing it. What I’m trying to say is that it’s all manufactured, but I’m still into it.
The Love Interests
Brent is trying to hook up with Sara. She says he’s “not her type,” and she’s worried that he’s just trying to hook up with her because of the way she looks. Which, yes, she’s totally right.
Other than that, there aren’t any hot and heavy romances yet — but the season is still young!
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