OPENING the two memory boxes she’s created for her two children, Vicki Keating wipes a tear from her cheek, knowing that when each of the envelopes are opened it will be after she’s gone.

Inside are heart-felt cards for every one of Grayson and Rey’s birthdays until they’re 18.

There are also cards congratulating them on their first homes, having their own children, passing their driving tests and every other conceivable landmark moment in their futures that they’ll have without her.

“There’s even an engagement ring for Rey – and I’m looking at getting them both their own personalised number plates, a reminder to get their driving licences and see the world, something I never got a chance to do,” says Vicki, 31.

Vicki was told she appeared to have dodged a bullet after being diagnosed with aggressive triple-negative breast cancer after months of intensive treatment and surgery, but when she went back to the hospital last April, she was given the news she’d prayed she’d never hear – her cancer had returned, spread through her body and was now incurable.

The catering assistant first felt a lump in her right breast in October 2018 while lying in bed with her partner Gavin.

“I’d given birth to Rey just 10 weeks before, so at first we thought it might just be hormones,” she says. 

“Even when I got referred to the breast clinic at the Queen Elizabeth Hospital in Birmingham for scans, results didn’t seem to indicate cancer and I was handed a leaflet on blocked milk ducts and told to go home and keep an eye on it.” 

Just two weeks later she and Gavin got a call asking them to come back in to hear the bad news that she had grade 3 triple-negative breast cancer, one of the fastest-growing and most aggressive types of the disease.

“I was told it was rare and hard to treat as there was no targeted treatment that seems to work, it wasn’t fed by hormones or proteins, but it should respond well to chemotherapy,” she says. 

“Looking at our tiny newborn daughter, as well as Grayson, then just 8, I was petrified, but knew I was in the best place.” 

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Four weeks later Vicki started six rounds of chemo which caused her to lose all her hair.

She also suffered constant nausea and chemo-induced colitis – an irritated bowel – but she knew she needed the strongest possible treatment for a chance of survival. 

Mercifully that chemo appeared to work, shrinking the tumour from 6cm to just 6mm.

Vicki then asked for a double-mastectomy, which was performed in May 2019, followed by 15 more rounds of chemotherapy and then radiotherapy.

“All I cared about was staying alive, my kids having a mum and Gavin having me there – those months of treatment were simply horrific, but every time I needed a reminder of why I was doing this, I just had to look at my family,” she recalls.

“Perhaps the hardest part was not being able to look after our baby girl – I couldn’t push her in the buggy, I couldn’t lift her or give her a bath,” she says.

“Grayson took it really badly, visibly upset when I lost all my hair, saying I didn’t look like his mum anymore – I just had to remind him again and again that the doctors were making mummy better again, but it was so hard.”

PLANNING THE FUTURE

By the end of 2019 Vicki got the news she’d prayed for – all the months of treatment appeared to have worked, and there were no longer signs of cancer in her body.

“While the various lockdowns for other families during the pandemic were really hard, for me it was amazing, spending time with my kids, cherishing every day and planning our futures together,” she says.

“Every single day with them was a blessing I’d thought would never happen. 

“I felt really healthy and well, like I’d dodged a bullet – it was a miracle.”

But then in September 2020 Vicki enquired about a breast reconstruction, and a routine scan picked up some nodules on her lungs.

“The consultant said not to panic, they seemed very small and a lot of people get these from minor infections – all we had to do was keep an eye on them to see if they grew,” she says.

A scan that December showed no signs of growth, but then last April the next scans showed a very different picture. 

“Gavin and I just sat in silence after we were told my cancer was now incurable and would never leave my body,” she says. 

“I kind of always felt this was coming, and just took it in, but Gavin broke down crying and shaking.”

On the way home Vicki knew what she wanted to do – start leaving memories and love for her family for when she was gone.

“The minute I got home I ordered memory boxes for Grayson and Rey, and then spent every spare moment writing cards and printing off photos to put in them for them to hold and read to remember me. 

“I also bought ‘Letters From My Mum’ books, answering all the questions they might’ve wished they’d asked when I was alive, from my favourite foods, to my happiest memories, the things that made me laugh. 

“After putting them to bed at night, I’d rush to the kitchen table to pour out more lovely words to help them remember I always loved them, and always would.”

Vicki’s doctors wanted her to go straight back onto the chemo as a way of slowing the cancer’s growth, but she wanted a second opinion, so booked to see a specialist oncologist on Harley Street. 

“He was more optimistic, and said he might put me forwards for a clinical trial – he asked if I’d move my care to St Bart’s Hospital, where I had a lung resection which successfully removed two out of three nodules on my lungs.”

Despite the success of the operation, Vicki knew the cancer wasn’t gone and would resurface again.

“I also developed pleurisy in my lungs as a result of that operation which I’d largely brought on myself by not resting as much as I should – but I’d wanted to be there for my kids, to carry on being a mum.” 

MAKING MEMORIES

Without life insurance, Vicki and Gavin set up a Go Fund Me appeal, asking for donations so they could give their children happy memories before it was too late.

“We only expected to raise a few hundred pounds, but with support from friends and local businesses, along with a 3 Peaks challenge done by Gavin and around a dozen friends, we raised over £28,000 – it was staggering the support we were shown by strangers in our darkest hour.”

The family then enjoyed days out at every conceivable zoo, farm and seaside resort near them – even going to see the kids’ favourite musical in London, Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat.

“Gavin and I simply didn’t know how to tell our children the truth without frightening them, but with a local hospice called St Mary’s we managed to open up those conversations as well as getting ongoing counselling for Grayson, which has been a Godsend,” says Vicki. 

“He’s a very sensitive little boy, but with St Mary’s as well as his school – which has two therapy dogs – he’s thriving and seems to be happy. 

“The fact he’s accepted my cancer will never go and accepted it without being too sad, is perhaps the best gift of them all.”

SHOCK GRIEF

Just when Vicki thought she was dealing with everything, out of the blue in December her dad, Eamon, was diagnosed with lung cancer, passing away just a few weeks later – Vicki and her dad had run the Race For Life together last September.

“Losing dad was just such a huge shock. 

“I managed to get him into a hospice at the end, mum and me never leaving his side. 

“For mum it’s perhaps harder than for anyone else, hearing both her husband and daughter have terminal cancer, but I won’t give up without a fight.

“In his last few weeks dad bought an engagement ring for me to give to Rey, which I’ve put in her box along with all the other memories – I just hope I’ll be as loved when I’m gone as he is now.”

With Rey, now 3, Vicki says it’s “perhaps a blessing she’s too young to really understand” – but the toddler knows her mum isn’t well and one day won’t be here.

“She asks me: ‘You’re not going yet are you, mummy?’ I’ve told her that when I do, I’ll be the brightest star in the sky and the other day she said to me, ‘Grandad is a star too and one day you’ll be able to shine in the sky together’.”

Vicki hasn’t shown her children the memory boxes yet, saying it would remind her of her own mortality.

“We’ve already gone past Rey’s third birthday now, so I’ve enjoyed ripping that card up, and obviously hope I’ll be able to rip more up as the months go by. 

“But with the card I take out, I add another memory, like the personalised number plates I’m ordering for them to remind them to get their driving licences – unlike me – and to get out and see the world.

“We’re planning on going to Crete next month, then Disneyland in November, but every day feels like I’ve got a gun against my head, this could be the last holiday, birthday, Christmas or whatever with them. 

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“But until that happens, until the cancer takes me, I’m cherishing every single day.”

Vicki is supporting Cancer Research’s Race For Life series – find out more at race for life.cancerresearchuk.org.

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