I expected my friend to support me after my husband's death but she didn't

DEAR DEIDRE: EARLIER this year, my husband died suddenly and I turned to my best friend for support.

Devastated, I expected her to comfort and help me. Instead, she rabbited on about her sick cats and her problems with her children.


For more advice from Dear Deidre

No issue is too small, too large or too embarrassing. Read our personal replies here.

  • Dear Deidre on Mental Health
  • Dear Deidre on Identity  
  • Dear Deidre on Debt and Money 
  • Dear Deidre on Work
  • Dear Deidre on Health and Wellbeing 
  • Dear Deidre on Addiction

We’ve been friends for 30 years, since we met as trainee physiotherapists. I’m 53 and she’s 54.

My husband had a heart attack, which was a massive shock.

As well as my grief, I had to sort out all his affairs.

When I told my friend, she said she was very sorry. But she seemed to think that was enough.

All I wanted was for her to come round and hug me, and help me deal with things.

But she didn’t offer to visit or even call to see how I was.

When we did speak, she told me she was worried about her cats who had to go to the vets.

She also said her son had issues with his girlfriend.

Although I’ve always been there for her, she’s shown she isn’t there for me.

Get in touch with Deidre

Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.

Send an email to [email protected]

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.

It feels like I’ve reached the point of no return with her.

I feel bitter and angry and don’t know what to do.

Most read in Dear Deidre

DEIDRE'S STORIES

Freddie asks Jess to get rid of her tattoo – will she tell him about Alex?

DEAR DEIDRE

I had a wild sex dream about an old school friend – but do I make it a reality?

WIFE STRIFE

I put up with my wife's cheating but now she's left me to have lover's child

WEE PROBLEM

I don't stay overnight with my girlfriend because I still wet the bed

DEIDRE SAYS: Your friend’s selfish behaviour is hurtful.

Sometimes, people find it hard to deal with grief. They don’t know what to say or do, so avoid the person in pain for fear of saying the wrong thing.

It’s very unhelpful and it’s not an excuse, but it could explain her actions.

MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE

Freddie asks Jess to get rid of her tattoo – will she tell him about Alex?

I put up with my wife’s cheating but now she’s left me to have lover’s child

Lean on others for support and, when you’re feeling stronger, talk to her about what’s happened. My pack Standing Up For Yourself should help.

My Bereavement support pack also explains the grieving process and details sources of support.

    Source: Read Full Article