Frazzled by the holidays? Get out all of that unresolved hostility and celebrate Festivus today

Like Frank Costanza, are you tired of the consumerism that has overtaken the December holiday season?

Set up your dullest aluminum pole Sunday and celebrate Festivus.

The holiday’s origins can be traced to a 1997 ninth-season episode of Seinfeld, where George Costanza’s father — while out to buy a popular doll for his then-young son — is involved in a fight.

“As I rained blows upon him, I realized there had to be another way,” Frank Costanza said.

And so, Festivus was born.

But to celebrate Festivus, you must first understand the fundamental components of the holiday:

• The Festivus pole: First, you need a plain metal pole.

This pole should not be decorated. Tinsel is distracting.

► December 2017: Happy Festivus, Rand Paul says. Let the grievances begin!
► September 2017: Fake holidays are as old as me peg leg
► December 2016: ‘Seinfeld’ wishes viewers a Happy Festivus

Aluminum is best for its high strength-to-weight ratio. This pole takes the place of any elaborately decorated Christmas tree, or Hanukkah bush if you’re into that.

• The Airing of Grievances: “I’ve got a lot of problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it,” said Frank Costanza before dinner on Festivus.

Festivus is the day to tell your friends and family how they’ve disappointed you throughout the year. Let it all out.

This gives you a couple of days before Christmas dinner to make amends to the family that you still have to be around for the rest of the hoildays.

• Feats of Strength: Festivus is not over until the head of household is pinned.

And the head of household can choose who he or she would like to go up against. The Feats of Strength begins after Festivus dinner.

So go out today, pin your father and tell your sons and daughters how they’ve disappointed you in so many ways this year. Keep the Festivus pole clean and hope for a Festivus miracle.

May there always be a Festivus for the rest of us.

This story originally published Dec. 23, 2014. Follow Joe Tamborello on Twitter: @joetamborello

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