Women share terrifying stories of experiencing 'rough sex'
After Grace Millane’s murderer used ‘rough sex’ as a defence, women share their own ‘terrifying’ stories of unwanted violence – including one who says: ‘It started with hair-pulling and progressed to choking’
- BBC Radio 5 Live programme saw women discussing negative experiences of unwanted violence during sex with presenter Emma Barnett
- This month, a man was convicted of murdering British backpacker Grace Millane in New Zealand; his lawyers used ‘rough sex’ as a defence during the trial
- One woman, Anna, said a previous partner had pulled her hair during sex and then gone on to put his hands around her neck
- An investigation by 5 Live found that more than a third of UK women under 40 have experienced unwanted violence during consensual sex
Women have been sharing what it’s like to be on the receiving end of unwanted sexual violence during consensual sex in a BBC Radio 5 Live broadcast.
The broadcast, hosted by presenter Emma Barnett, follows a BBC investigation that suggests a third of women under 40 have experienced violence they hadn’t consented to during a sexual encounter.
On November 22nd, a man was convicted of murdering British backpacker Grace Millane in Auckland, New Zealand. His lawyers had used ‘rough sex’ as a defence in the trial.
During the programme, university graduate Anna, 23, told the programme about her own experiences, saying that the violence began with one partner when he started to pull her hair during sex but quickly progressed to an attempt to choke her.
She told Barnett: ‘I was shocked. I felt extremely uncomfortable and intimidated. If someone slapped or choked you on the street, it would be assault.’
BBC Radio 5 Live programme saw women discussing negative experiences of unwanted violence during sex with presenter Emma Barnett. Pictured, stock image
Anna added that it hadn’t been a one-off experience and other partners had behaved in a similar way, saying ‘pretty much all the guys would try at least one, if not multiple combinations, of these acts.’
Around 2,000 women aged 18 to 39 were questioned for a BBC Radio 5 Live-commissioned investigation, which asked whether they had ever experienced unwelcome acts of aggression during sex.
More than a third of women said they’d experienced incidents of slapping, choking, gagging or spitting during sex, and said they were unwanted, at least some of the time.
Anna went on to tell the show’s host that another partner had left her ‘bruised’ and ‘in pain’ because of his aggressive approach to sexual intercourse.
British backpacker Grace Millane, 22, who was murdered in Auckland on December 1st 2018. The 27-year-old man convicted of her murder had used ‘rough sex gone wrong’ as a defence in the case
She said: ‘I know some women will say they like this. What is problematic is when men assume that every woman wants this.’
A second woman, Emma, not her real name, told the show that she felt pornography had played a part in her experiences of unwanted violence during a one-night stand because: ‘It felt like this was stuff he had seen online and wanted to play out in real life.’
She said she’d been left ‘terrified’ and ‘shocked’ when a male partner began choking her during sex, without warning, saying: ‘I felt vulnerable, like this man could overpower me.’
There has been a ten-fold rise, says the programme, in ‘rough sex’ being used as a criminal defence in the last decade.
Campaigner Fiona McKenzie, founder of group We Can’t Consent to This, which campaigns against the defence being used said: ‘I regularly hear from women who had been choked, slapped, spat on, verbally abused and punched by men they were having otherwise consensual sex with. In many cases women weren’t initially able to recognise this as the traumatic assault it is.’
Listen to BBC 5 Live’s full investigation on The Emma Barnett Show on BBC Sounds
An investigation by 5 Live found that more than a third of UK women under 40 have experienced unwanted violence during consensual sex. Pictured, stock image
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