Christmas carols to get New York fans through the cold winter
You know the best way to take your mind off the relentless torrent of bad news that our teams deliver faithfully night after night, day after day? Why, with a little song, of course! Here are a few ditties to help you try to muddle through somehow. If the fates allow.
“It’s the Post’s Wonderful Time of the Year”
(“It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year”)
It’s the Post’s wonderful time of the year
All our teams are abysmal
They’re dreadful and dismal
Like fifty-cent beer!
It’s the Post’s wonderful time of the year
It’s the worst calendar year I recall
All the teams taking spankings
And talking of tankings
No titles at all!
It’s the worst calendar year I recall
There was Metsies June-swooning
And much anti-Boone-ing
And blitzing Eli till he’s sore
While the Knicks and the Jets
And the Rangers and Nets
Make you wish you lived in Arkansas
It’s the Post’s wonderful time of the year
Willis, Sherman and Serby
A columnist’s derby
Of losers to schmear!
It’s the Post’s wonderful time … of the year!
“Good Luck to You, Dave Gettleman”
(“God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen”)
Good luck to you, Dave Gettleman
(And Tisch and Mara, too)
Your quarterback’s an artifact
Your coach has come unglued
Your rookie running back is awesome
(OBJ is, too)
Are you hoping to get well in the draft
(If not, you’re daft)
Or are you the Giants’ William Howard Taft?
Good luck to you, Dave Gettleman
Your football team’s a mess
You’re offense is offensive and
Your “D” is in distress.
You used to rule the town now you’re
An inch above the Jets
Can you make all the doldrums disappear
(Within a year?)
Or will MetLife still be lacking hope and cheer?
“Van Wagenen”
(“O Christmas Tree”)
Van Wagenen, Van Wagenen
Your suits are most impeccable
Van Wagenen, Van Wagenen
Your confidence un-wreckable
Aggression is your calling card
Just keep your hands off Syndergaard
Van Wagenen, Van Wagenen
Could this all be a watershed?
Van Wagenen, Van Wagenen
What have you done with Jeff and Fred?
You think your club’s the team to beat
(I fear you’re drunk on Bourbon Street)
Van Wagenen, Van Wagenen
You’re fearless and imperious
Van Wagenen, your master plan …
Might make Mets fans delirious.
“Playing in the Hell that’s MSG”
(“Walking in a Winter Wonderland”)
Losses mount, but don’t worry
Not in doubt, nor a hurry
The Rangers and Knicks
Are playing for kicks
Playing in the Hell that’s MSG
All the fans are conditioned
Seats that cost more than tuition
To watch their teams lose
While chugging their booze
Playing in the Hell that’s MSG
At the top’s the boss by name of Dolan
He’s the one who oversees this hell
If you asked the fans to do some pollin’
The verdict would be “SELL! SELL! SELL! SELL! SELL!”
Fizdale: “Don’t obsess with winning”
Hockey’s fine, thanks to Quinn-ing
Few pros, many cons
(Except for St. John’s)
Playing in the Hell that’s MSG
“Rocking Around the Stadium”
(“Rocking Around the Christmas Tree”)
Rocking around the Stadium
We’re the only team that’s good
We’re the Yankees, we’re the kings
Of the whole damned neighborhood.
Rocking around the Stadium
Won a hundred games (on YES)
Yet all the people gripe and moan
Since we lost the LDS
You can get a sentimental feeling
When you hear
Fans don’t care how much it’s costin’
(That’s the price of beating Boston)
Rocking around the Stadium
We’re the only show in town
Tampa can’t get here fast enough
As we go … for … one … more … crowwnnn.
Vac’s Whacks
Even in a season that is entirely being graded on a curve, last week was a mostly deplorable display by the Knicks. It sometimes feels like the last Knick to actually guard someone was Charles Oakley.
If you were to order up the perfect combination of professional and person, you would come up every single time with Channel 4’s Bruce Beck, who just became a grandfather again to Savannah Parker Beck. What an extra special holiday season for the Beck family.
Zion Williamson is the one who you can’t keep your eyes off of, but if you told me any of the three Duke freshmen would be returning to the Garden next year I’d certainly be down with that.
If “Die Hard” is a Christmas movie, then “Rocky” is a Thanksgiving movie.
Whack Back at Vac
Richard Siegelman: Do the Yankees know that Manny Machado has secretly refused to ever dance “The HUSTLE” or watch Paul Newman’s “The HUSTLER” or Bradley Cooper-Christian Bale’s “American HUSTLE?”
Vac: Dare we speculate what his least-favorite adult magazine might be?
Scott Wolinetz: I assume Tom Hanks’ character in “A League of Their Own” would allow for crying in baseball at the news of Penny Marshall’s passing.
Vac: Personally, part of the reason I became a sports columnist is because I always wanted to work with a secretary like Myrna Turner, as Oscar Madison was lucky enough to have done. Godspeed to a gigantic talent.
@treyzingis: Zion Williamson was born in 2000; the Knicks have won three playoff series during his lifetime.
@MikeVacc: The amazing part, of course, is that they’ve won that many.
Robert Katz: Initially after your column last Monday I thought: Forget how many days until pitchers and catchers report, how many days remain until “Better Call Saul” returns. Then the next day in The Post is a note that “Saul” viewership is up 429 percent! Wow!
Vac: S’all good, man!
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