My husband has been spending thousands on dodgy hotel stays and sex-chat websites
He had told me he was helping his best friend install a new kitchen and was staying over for a couple of beers — nowhere near this hotel. I was distraught.
I emailed the hotel for a copy of the invoice, pretending to be his PA, and they sent me the proof I was afraid of. It was an invoice for two people checking in and out on the same day.
This awful shock came on top of my discovering three months ago that he had been going on sex-chat sites and had run up a £750 bill on his mobile.
I tackled him about the phone lines at the time. He denied it and accused me of spying. We had a huge row. Eventually, he admitted it and he said he was sorry.
When I questioned him on how he and his mate had got on putting together the kitchen, he gave me all sorts of guff. I knew it was all rubbish.
I didn’t speak to him for days after that. In the end, I told him I knew the truth about where he had been.
He just replied he was saying nothing.
After a week or so he started phoning me about all sorts of things, always ending with how much he loved me.
He has also started telling me he loves me to my face, something he has never done in the 12 years we have been together. He is 46, I am 45. I’ve also discovered he has a huge mobile bill again — nearly £900 this time — but I haven’t tackled him about this yet.
We are due to spend Easter with his grown-up children (from his first marriage) and his mum. Knowing what I now know, this will make it very awkward.
I haven’t told my stepson or stepdaughter yet, but I think they should know. It would shame him and might make him realise how badly he has behaved. I think he deserves that at the very least.
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DEIDRE SAYS: He would feel embarrassed all right. But he and his children might well round on you for dragging them into something which is not their fault – and they can do precious little to change.
Tackle him directly yourself now, both about the mobile bill and the hotel stay. Who was he with? Does he have a sex-site addiction problem?
If you start sorting this you might have cleared the air by Easter and have a far happier family celebration.
Tell him what you know and say it undermines your relationship. Make sure he knows this is his last chance.
My e-leaflet Cheating – Can You Get Over It? explains how as long as you’re both willing to try.
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