It’s time we stop trying to classify others and just let them be

Hi, my name is Wendy Squires and I'd like to say I identify as pretty much bugger-all. This is not what others tell me. Oh no. I'm a whole list of terms. What's more, apparently I should be happy to acknowledge them. Sorry, I'm not biting. More likely I'm grinding my teeth with annoyance.

Recently, a student in the writing class I teach decided to challenge my reluctance to publicly "identify" within certain societal categories, aware that I believe it is no one else's business. "I would say you are a cis woman because you identify with the sex you were born with," he informed me. "You are heterosexual because I know you went on a date with a man after class last week, but you have probably been bi-curious at some stage.

“I’m more determined than ever to avoid being categorised.”Credit:Mike Baker

Politically, you are left or centre-left, but you would be pro-Greens, too.

"You are an environmentalist and there's no chance you would consider yourself a climate-change denier," he continued. "You would call yourself a non-smoker but are still tempted. You would also call yourself a social drinker but secretly fear you binge. Your roots are middle and not upper class. You are a mortgage holder, a commitment-phobe, a serial monogamist, an atheist, child-free rather than childless …"

Er, enough you lippy little sh … shweetheart.

Okay, a lot of what this student said might be true, but that doesn't mean I want to be slotted into pigeonholes I can't escape or deviate from, to be tagged like a product in a store. Because I like to think of myself as ever-changing, a life in progress. What I present as today may not be how I wish to be seen in future. Like my gender or eye colour, these are mere aspects of who I am, not the sum total.

Now, let me clarify that one aspect of my personality that will never change is my absolute respect for the LGBTQI community. However, and I hope they don't mind me speaking on their behalf, I am confident that these people do not wish to be pigeonholed, either. They, too, are complex human beings with a myriad of perceptions, persuasions and penchants that can't be neatly wrapped up in limiting terms. And why should they be? I long for the day when such aspects of a person are not all-defining but simply part of a complex whole.

Surely, as we come to recognise that sexuality can be ever-changing, that not all political opinions are rigidly left or right, and that even gender is not predefined by the genitalia we were born with, we should stop trying to classify others and just let them be?

Recently, while filling out a form where rudimentary questions such as my marital status were asked, I kept looking for the box that said "other", the one that would allow me the silent protest of opting out of classification. So I chose "Swami" instead of "Ms" or "Mrs", as it was the most genderambiguous term on the list. When I handed back the form I was told this was not a viable answer as I had not identified as Hindu. Sigh.

At a time when we have less privacy than ever, when Facebook knows what we bought online last week and selects the friends it believes we connect with the most, I'm more determined than ever to avoid being categorised. I am not a demographic, or an algorithm; I am a constantly evolving human being with every right to be so.

So, please stop trying to slot me into boxes. Even if I do marry one day, don't expect me to take my partner's surname (way too Handmaid's Tale for my liking), or wear a ring showing ownership. Nor should you expect me to always vote one particular way, because I don't or won't.

But here's another thing that won't change about me, ever – the fact that I am a fan of Rage Against the Machine, both the band and the sentiment its name implies. In other words, "F… you, I won't do what you tell me!" And that goes for what you call me, too.

This article appears in Sunday Life magazine within the Sun-Herald and the Sunday Age on sale February 3.

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